Farewells Are Hardest To Say
by loveislouder94
Summary: For Remus and Tonks, full moons mean a temporary goodbye.


Written for:  
25 Days of Christmas competition: hot chocolate  
The Sherlock Competition: Part 3, Prompt 4  
Quidditch League fanfiction Competition Holyhead Harpies, standing in as Seeker

"Dora, it's time for me to go," Remus said heavily, rising from his chair.

"Not yet," Tonks protested, "the sun hasn't even started to set!" she gestured to the window, through which they could see the sky, still clear and bright, just as she had suggested.

"I know that, love, but you know I like to be far away from here – far away from where I might hurt anyone – before it starts to get dark."

Tonks sighed. "You don't have to leave. You could stay here. The basement is more than big enough for you to fit, and I'd place every sort of protective charm on the door so you couldn't get out. The spare room might do, even."

Her efforts to keep him from leaving made him smile. "Do you honestly think I'd risk being so close to you when I was transformed?" Seeing that she was about to protest again, he went on. "No, Dora. It's not going to happen. All the protective charms in the world aren't infallible, and I might escape, and I might hurt you – I might _kill _you." He looked sickened by the prospect.

"Okay, okay, I've got it. You're not staying. I just wish you could."

"So do I," he said, kissing her forehead and holding her tightly.

"One day, when this damned war is over, I'll actually be able to go out and buy potions ingredients, and I'll make you some Wolfsbane every month. I'll make the transformation easier for you, I promise."

"You already do," he told her, meaning every word. "Just by being here to say goodbye, and to welcome me when I get back."

She grinned, the tips of her then-blonde hair turning pink. "Well, then with the Wolfsbane, I'll make it easier again. And then you won't have to leave every full moon."

"Maybe I won't. Maybe I _will _be able to stay with you."

"Maybe?" she questioned. "I'm thinking more like definitely."

"Dora," he warned, "there's always a chance the Wolfsbane won't work, and I have to be mindful of that."

She rolled her eyes. "You think you have to be mindful of everything. Sirius always said you worried too much. I never thought I'd say it, but he was right."

"I don't have to be mindful of everything, but I do have to go. And that means you need to let go of me."

Her smile was mischievous. "Doesn't your wife get a kiss goodbye?"

"Hmm…that depends," he began, but her lips cut him off before he could finish. The kiss ended far too quickly for Remus' liking. Each time they said goodbye, Remus cursed his affliction for taking him away from her so often, when all he wanted was more moments like this one, without the taste of a bittersweet farewell.

"Right," she said, stepping back and away from him. "I suppose you really do have to go now."

"I do," Remus replied in a remorseful whisper, brushing her cheek with on hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop it, there'll be none of that. This isn't your fault and I won't let you act like it is. Just promise me you'll stay safe."

"I'll do my best." He didn't promise; he wouldn't swear to something he couldn't guarantee her would be true. "And I'll come back as quickly as I can."

"I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back in the morning," Tonks promised, and Remus knew she would be.

She'd have a steaming cup of hot chocolate sitting on the table for him, and her feeble attempts at cooking breakfast right alongside it. She would be ready with a tub of Dittany and all manner of healing potions to tend to the injuries he'd given himself the night before. She would open the front door and greet him with a hug and a kiss, just like she had the previous full moon – the first one they'd been together.

It was a new and unfamiliar feeling, having someone there with him before and after a full moon. He'd had James and Sirius and Peter when he was younger, of course, and their company undoubtedly did wonders for him, but it wasn't the same.

Following James and Lily's death, and Sirius' imprisonment, he had resigned himself to spending the full moons and their aftermath alone and in pain. The Wolfsbane gave him a small glimmer of distant hope. There was no way he could ever afford it, so he let himself imagine, briefly, how much easier the transformations would be if he could keep his mind, and then he pushed the fantasy away.

Even without the Wolfsbane, his recent transformations had been better than most, simply because he had something real and tangible to cling to. Dora was his final thought before the wolf took over, and his first one when he woke up as himself again. No matter how much his bones ached, how exhausted he was or how much he simply couldn't be bothered moving from where he was, the thought of her would spur him on.

Remus knew how much she worried and fretted every full moon. He never slept and neither did she, although she never let on. The dark circles under her eyes and the dull colour of her hair were clues enough. It would return to its usual bubble-gum pink the moment she laid eyes on him and ascertained he was safe. It was a testament to just how much she loved him, and Remus was silently grateful.

Before he left that night, he wanted to tell her that he loved her more than anything or anyone in the world, but he knew how important those three words were. He would never be careless with them, only using them on special occasions when no other words would do.

Instead, he settled for a simple, "I'll see you then." As she closed the door behind him, he looked back at her, and he knew that the intensity and understanding of that gaze conveyed everything – if not more – than a million words ever could.


End file.
